Monday, December 13, 2010

Oh the shame, oh the ignominy


Imagine having this attached to your butt!

Well when you last left this intrepid author, I was off to the chiropractor after have endured a pain filled weekend due to what I thought was a pinched nerve.  I hadn't been to a chiropractor in about 20 years, this was not due to any dislike of the profession, I simply hadn't required their services in general.  Back in the day, I used to bartend at various clubs around Toronto and working long shifts slightly bent over a bar pouring drinks was not good for my lower back, thus the chiropractor.  Yet, lo and behold, I stopped bartending, the lower back pain stopped and I no longer required a chiropractor.

Well it's 20 years later, my criteria for finding a chiropractor this time around, was who could take me right away on Monday and make the gosh awful pain stop!  I managed to luck into a cancelled appointment at a local sport injury clinic, so off I went, making sure I had on clean underwear (actually I wore my under armour shorts, since they hold everything in nicely).  After filling out various forms, I was led to a consultation room to await the Dr.  A few minutes later a smokin' hot young man comes in and introduces himself as Justin.  Now you have to realize I'm old enough to be this young man's mother, but that doesn't prevent me from appreciating his gymnast build (you know, squat, but well muscled).  Turns out this paragon of masculinity is my chiropractor to be!  After a series of questions, he leaves me to get into a gown and to closely inspect his degree that was mounted on the wall, since he looked young enough to be just starting his undergrad, but no, he had graduated five years ago.  That's a true sign of age - when the Drs start looking like grade school kids!

Justin returned to my lovely gowned self (still had my socks & under armour on, since I felt more lady like that way and my feet were cold) and had me try to touch my toes.  Now even in my healthy state, I can't touch my toes.  I am a very inflexible person, but in my present state I could barely make it past my knees!  He had me on my stomach on the exam table while he prodded the base of my spine trying to find the issue, by following the trail of pain he found the culprit in a walnut sized knot and scar tissue in the middle of my butt pressing on my sciatic nerve.  When he pressed down on the walnut, I let a yell of pure pain out!  Yup that was the spot!  By this point I had lost any qualms about having the young Adonis manipulating my lily white and rather fleshy behind, I didn't care if it was Brad Pitt (or really in my case, my preference is Colin Firth) digging his thumbs into my nether regions, I was just hopping that all this pain would bring some sort of eventual relief.

Justin and I have progressed to acupuncture, which I had never tried before, but I was willing to keep an open mind towards the whole concept.  Imagine have your butt used as a pin cushion and you've got an idea how I feel, to be honest I can't even feel the needles in my behind, it's the ones he puts in my toes that are a little 'ouchy' .  Tomorrow I'll have deep tissue massage before my treatment since the whole area has seized up!  I'm lucky in that we have a health plan that covers this stuff.

This is the first physically debilitating issue I've really had to deal with in a long time.  I'm used to bouncing back quickly from an injury, but it doesn't look like it this time.  I know that at my age (48) that is takes longer to heal, but I'm not ready to hang up the hockey skates quite yet.  Heck, I can enjoy the sight of my chiropractor (even though most of our time together I'm face down with my butt in the air).  I still think the hottest thing on skates is my husband John and enjoyable part of our time together is spent playing hockey, that's my reality and I'm definitely not giving that up yet!


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